I feel like crap today

Yesterday was stressful, today I feel like crap. I called off. I feel cold and my back hurts. I really don't think I can do this job full time, or maybe at all. It sucks because I do it really well, and now they want to train me to be department manager, which is more pay (yay) but full time (groan).

So....I've been working mostly full time (because of training) since Feb. 12th. Things are catching up to me. I'm too exhausted to cook, so I eat a little "whatever" is fast. I can't live on "whatever". A bad diet has put me down in the past. I can't tolerate a lot of prepared food. I need to cook from scratch.

The stress....yesterday I was supposed to work 4 hours, but they needed me to come in for an extra 4 so I could be trained on the register in the pharmacy. It was a train wreck, at least in my point of view. The cash register is a nightmare. There are actually two screens, the cash part and the medicine part. The medicine part has the customer's info, the prescriptions, HEPPA, medicare, controlled substances, signatures, and regulations. You may well have handed me the controls to a plane and said, "Don't crash it." I panicked. And spent the rest of the time totally humiliated and embarrassed about my fears.

And then there is the money. I am terrified about handling money wrong. Sure, the register tells you the change, bla, bla, bla. But then there is that one person, and yes, my trainer had one of them.

"Give me $100 cash back, in 20's, tens, fives, ones and quarters." Ok, says my trainer, as she counts it out. "Oh, make that more ones and give me four dollars in quarters", adds the lady. My trainer re-counts and delivers the change. I would have passed out.

People keep telling me I'll be fine, I'll get used to it. They don't understand, when I'm stressed the letters and numbers on the keyboard disappear. It reminds me of when I tried to learn to drive. I didn't get my license until I was 33. Why? I was too scared. I got over it by taking a class where we sat at consoles fitted with steering wheels, pedals and a screen with an interactive movie.

Sheldon Cooper Learning to Drive

My husband is still sick. I got him Flonase but the inside of his nose is beet red, so he stopped taking it. His chest is congested. He had a sinus CAT scan and Friday he sees a doctor.

I miss our walks together. In fact, I miss our life together. My husband misses me. I spend my days off watching him sleep because he works at night. He spends his days off alone because I'm working during the day. I want to cry.